Chapter 3. Only Silence knows

This is the text to the video: https://youtu.be/cUKa7BbL5-k

​I rest in the silence of an early summer night. The only sounds I hear are the gentle lapping of the waves and the call of the cuckoo. I am alone in the middle of nowhere, but am I lonely? Silence is also equated with soundlessness, but silence can be found regardless of circumstances, even in the middle of a noisy city.
 
Sitting up and Taking Notice
Modern life is marked by hurry and goals, and standing still is considered to be stagnation. A hectic rhythm creates an impression of a personal center, something that has led us around by the nose all our life. We don’t want to slacken our efforts, because there is so much to be done and so many goals to be achieved. The ongoing online game gives an impression of worthiness and of being connected. A lapse in connection creates anxiety. Fear of loneliness, redundancy, worthlessness, anxiety about not belonging or getting along.
 
However, these unpleasant feelings carry a gift. By opening the mental lockers we are able to taste the reality of our Being. The reality of Being is unknowable and unreachable for the mind. Words can be used to point to reality but it cannot be understood by them. Reality is  dimensionless and timeless, and yet, always present. In the world it seems that verbalization reigns and binds us together, whereas the nature of reality is non-verbal and there is  nothing to be connected. Willingness and openness are keywords to this recovery. The willingness to accept and also face the unpleasant feelings as they are. By then, we suddenly notice that the only way to get on is to stop! To wind up and welcome everything without any attempt to change or manipulate something.
As we softly and tenderly knock on the door between the visible and invisible, we begin to sense the silence between thoughts. Stopping does not mean a complete lack of doing. Instead it means that we begin to become explorers, who disregard learned beliefs and concepts and who are eager to explore the fundamental qualities of reality. There is only one single reality, but it can be approached in various ways. Every path is a unique one and each one of them can be verbalised in a different way. With the apparent veiling of our true nature, the seeker is invited  to wonder about the invisible reality of experience. Along the way old beliefs and patterns fall away and finally, the seeker faces unavoidable questions about the nature of reality.
 
Who am I?  Who is asking, when I ask? Who sees and hears when I see and hear? Who is the real dreamer and the experiencer of every experience? An intuitive, and seemingly self-evident answer is, that it is I. But who or what is I? If I’m not the same as my experiences, thoughts, emotions and perceptions, what remains when they are taken away? When my body eventually vanishes, where or what am I then – or do I exist at all? Is it possible that there is a self that is free from attributes? A self whose existence is independent from whatever does take place or doesn’t? 
 
Distortion
Asking these questions make me realise that I have identified the body-mind to be the seer, hearer and doer. I have an impression of having a constantly talking ”I” living inside my body. It is never completely satisfied, but has continuous problems. It is concerned with what should be done or changed in the world in order for it to be liberated from its problems and to find peace. But instead of solving problems, I can withdraw my self from them, as if sitting in the cinema and observing the film of my life appearing on the screen. In the freedom of Non-Attachment I’m able to recognise how identified I am with a doer, who cannot stand slowness and not doing. By pushing things forward I have defended and kept alive my images of reality. The fighter in me has been strong and unyielding, like it has been seeking justice for its own existence. This persistence is related to an inner sense of threat of being harmed or controlled by someone else. These behaviour patterns are like discords which prevent fainter sounds of our Being to be heard – it hides my own melody!
 
A – U - M
It is in the silence of nature where the stream of thoughts slows down. Out of the blue, an invitation to sing arises.  I gently repeat the ancient sound ”A-U-M” and explore the resonance of the three elements in my body. Singing and repeating the mantra feels like settling down and forgetting the world. In the presence of hearing and listening I suddenly sense a fourth sound. Unheard is the silence which begins and ends the audible sound and surrounds it. When the unheard is revealed, we begin to hear the delicate chant of our own Being.
 
Home of Sound: Silence
The unheard sound represents the realm of deep, dreamless sleep. There is neither an observing subject nor an observed object. Only pure consciousness exists, unseen, pristine, hidden. Silence is like the womb of the divine mother – the source of creation. All sounds are born in silence, and the vibration of sounds gives birth to everything. Sound both creates forms and leads beyond them, to the unbroken silence beyond words and experience. Without the silence in the background there wouldn’t be any sound to be experienced. All manifestations need a base in which to manifest. Words are drawn on paper, a film is played on a screen. In fact, even silence needs an invisible base against which it can be recognized.
 
I come back to the subtle sound of A-U-M. It feels like bathing in a healing flow of cosmic sounds. When the sounds fall silent and nothing seems to remain, I’m surprised to find that I don’t feel lonely or non-existent. Silence is everywhere. I don’t experience silence as a lack of sound or a sense of darkness. Instead there is a sense of timelessness and happiness and peace arising out of our own being.  It´s like an empty page on which and from which everything manifests. Thus I don’t need any objects –  thoughts, feelings or perceptions, to be present and conscious.
 
I Am = I’m present
For the mind silence is about achieving mental calmness and relaxation. However, silence isn’t any object to be gained. Silence speaks of Gods unfailing love – of its timeless Being without words.
When sounds fade silence always speaks.  I let my attention untangle from thoughts, feelings and perceptions. What remains is an unattachment.
I continue going backwards until I plunge into their source, the ocean of silence. It feels like falling asleep and being blessed by silence, a timeless moment where the experience of the waking state literally disappears.
However, with the disappearance of  objects something very essential remains: I. I know that I am. I know that I am conscious, and I do not have to change anything or to become something in order to be conscious. Yet I am!  Being and consciousness are not separate. They are coupled together and an indelible One. The river of consciousness emerging from itself and as itself.
In the silence I rest in Myself.  I realise that resting in Myself is presence  without the entanglement with objects. Thus, it is Myself recognizing Myself! Suddenly the truth about our Self is so clear, that I wonder how I’ve been able to ignore it. The true I, our Self, is not an object, so it doesn’t have any objective qualities. That’s why it can never be found or realised, but instead the Self recognises and knows itself.
 
To know myself
In order to know myself, I have to disentangle myself from illusions and beliefs superimposed upon my own Being. Even though my head is mixed up, I’m mesmerized by this mind-blowing insight. After so many years of longing, my attempts to solve the mystery have finally paid off!  I understand that I can’t find the Self or reach it, because I am what I am looking for. Only from the point of a separate self there is an entity, who is looking for itself.
 
I
In everyday language I constantly refer to the I without being aware of who or what the real I is. On my birthday or while meeting old friends I may wonder, why my experience of myself remains the same despite age, my current role or life events. Now I know. The real ”I” or ”the Self” is so close and intimate to me, that I have ignored my knowledge of it and fallen asleep and become oblivious to it. Indeed, I cannot reach the Self by climbing a ladder to the heavens. The Self is not a theoretic, philosophical, meditative or enlightened state or dimension available through spiritual practice or hard work. The Self is what I am, it is our shared Being.
 
A borderless bridge
I feel embraced by the Northern summer night. A subtle mist seems to veil everything, but on the sly, an image of a borderless bridge rises up. Withour the past and the future there is no starting point or destination. There is only Being.  I AM. As time and boundaries disappear, we become a single nation without a homeland.
The lack of sound will linger for a moment before the birds begin their early morning song. Right at that moment a nocturnal bird appears. It sits on a nearby branch, chirping our shared melody: “I am a whisper in your ear. I am the way.”