This is the text to the film https://youtu.be/cjkxmkjJ1rc

It’s autumn and my feet long to go hiking. I enjoy the clear air of the Pyrenees mountains and the nearly tangible peacefulness. Nature displays a blaze of color and enchants me so that I travel along almost without noticing. It’s been hours since my last encounter with another person, so I am surprised when I come across another hiker. He seems very alarmed. After a short conversation I find out that the man is off his route and unable to determine his location. While we examine the route map, we find out that we are headed to the same village. So, we hike together for the remainder of the journey. We keep up a casual conversation, but the man’s concern comes up between the lines. He should already be at his lodgings getting ready for an aperitif and dinner to follow. As we get closer to our destination, I can sense his relief. In the end he is only 30 minutes late. When we arrive to the village, we say goodbye with French air kisses and wish each other a nice evening. As we are parting company I am astonished to find that the man has no travel companion, and no one is waiting for him at dinner!
 
 
Fear – the world of a separate self
I recognize his distress. Fear cannot be dismissed by reason. It can be born out of seemingly insignificant things. However, what is small and unremarkable at first, transforms into something remarkable when fear crawls out of its cave. In our lives fear disguises itself so skillfully that it’s difficult to see what’s behind the mask. Nevertheless, every manifestation of fear originates in and is kept alive by the same source: the belief in separation. As a consequence of this belief, experiencing seems to be divided into a subject and an object. From a dualistic point of view every experience has a subject, a separate ”I”, who experiences something. Identifying as an independent experiencer casts a shadow over all experiences and prevents us from seeing the nature of personality: it is a perspective through and by which experiencing takes place.
 
Due to identification with our personality, our being seems to be limited and tied to the body and its destination. The separate self is a focal point around which events revolve, and all thoughts, feelings and perceptions seem very personal. Once formed, they are overlaid on our being resulting in a belief and, more importantly, a feeling that our being is limited, temporary and separate and moreover, that it shares the qualities and destiny of the body. No wonder that the separate self is always alert to danger, ready to react and protect itself from any potential hazards which might threaten its safety and existence.
 
I hear my phone beep. Even though I’ve kept my day free of social media, I can’t help peeking at the screen. A quick glance reveals a message from the police. My heart begins to pound, and I also feel sweat beads on my forehead, but I decide to ignore the message and turn the phone off. It feels like a stormy wind has swept away the serenity I felt after my hike.
 
I try to dismiss the turmoil in my mind, but after moments of struggle I give up and venture to take a closer look at the message. To my astonishment I discover that the message is from the post office – my alarmed mind just made a different interpretation!
 
Shielding oneself
I’m surprised at the turn that my hiking day has taken. It seems evident that life has brought up important things for me to face in the form of a lost hiker and a phone message. I recognize that the need to shield myself creates a blind spot where I feel anxious about encountering the unknown - as if there were invisible, unnamed threats that I must hide from. To keep the menacing scenarios at bay I’ve tried to control life and aimed to create a world that matches my expectations. One that protects me against unwanted intruders and doesn’t stir up my fears.
 
The mind gets easily disturbed, when life doesn’t turn out the way one had hoped, planned, or expected.  I can see how easily I get emotionally upset, if another person doesn’t behave in a way, I think she should, or if a situation isn’t what I expect it to be. However, by defining what is right and wrong, pleasant, and unpleasant, good, and bad, I only impose limits on situations where I feel comfortable and secure. Strangely enough, I have been convinced that this is the right thing to do.
 
Suddenly lifelike images start to pop into my mind, it feels like watching myself in a movie. I sink into my armchair as if in a cinema and I am curious to see what the movie will show me. I notice that the flow of energy is blocked by avoidance and starts to revolve around itself. It seems that it is exactly this slow and stiff energy which gives rise to fear, and makes the breath shallow and the heart pound. All at once everything is different: What is good becomes evil, the lover becomes the enemy and harmony gives way to dismay and anger. The light dims, the joy turns sour, and instead of joy and peace, there is hurt, like troubled water running cold.
 
Culminating point
I feel like I’ve landed at a cultinating point, where running away is no longer an option. Neither sheltering myself nor any other strategy will help me escape, because life and its events inevitably invite hidden patterns and fear to show up. It’s hard to recognize the origin for the need off safeguarding. I feel trapped, it’s like being paralyzed and captured by frost. But when I let go of resistance to what is, imaginary boundaries begin to drop away. As tensions in the body dissolve into nothingness, I suddenly remember the phone message I received earlier that day. And by then I know: I’m afraid of being judged for mistakes and ignorance, actions that might cause harm to others or myself. The appearance of this thought is followed by threatening images in my mind. Because of these images, my whole body stiffens and my pelvis twists to the left, as if trying to avoid the future. But I don’t let these images overtake me. Instead, I straighten my chest and pelvis, ready to face whatever is coming. The squeezing sensation in my diaphragm and lower abdomen feel almost intolerable. Despite this misery I don’t give up but remain in purgatory without trying to change anything. As it finally disappears, all the symptoms are gone and there is a sudden clarity: I have been running away from the sense of guilt.
 
Projection
For years I felt guilty about almost anything. I thought I was free of the baggage of guilt for a long time now, but my experience is telling me it’s quite the opposite. I realize that guilt doesn’t even want to be released, because then the sense of separation and autonomy would lose their strength! In the depths of our mind, we are afraid that by disentangling ourselves from thoughts and feelings that perpetuate the separate self, we would lose our self. That’s why we tend to lean on permanence, secretly hoping that the footprints we leave behind cannot be washed away but will be there forever.
 
But what is hidden longs to become free. The mind solves the issue by projecting guilt outwards. This is how another person, the system or the community becomes an authority that we respect or resist, depending on the situation. A guilty person doesn’t realize she is trying to build a sandcastle that can collapse at any time. At the moment of collapse, guilt and fear of punishment are revealed. Again, and again, we shield ourselves by defending, fighting, or hiding, until we wake up and understand that instead of projecting, we should point the spotlight toward ourselves. For as long as I push the unwanted away, it keeps returning to me like a boomerang.  Whatever I’m doing right now, I invite more of the same into my life. But threatening situations and other people only reflect something
 that I haven’t been able to face in myself. I shield myself, I judge, I try to control and condemn others, because I’m unable to recognize the source of the projections – my own mind!
 
Calming down
The mind cannot be aware of itself and that is why I don’t even try to reach the origins of the guilt through thinking. Instead, I enjoy the clear evening and the ringing of church bells. Before long I rest in the Oneness, in the peace of our timeless being. I realize that every time I feel annoyed and respond to an acute irritation, I act on behalf of the separate self and make the separation real. Fear, threat, and guilt are unavoidable responses to this pattern.  The sense of guilt can be so powerful that it is projected into abstractions of a nameless threat hiding in the unknown.
It is hard to recognize hidden patterns because we are conditioned to ways of acting, thinking and believing that lead to the avoidance of pain and suffering. That’s why they are always present in one way or another, and like a stone thrown in the water, they create ripples to every experience.
It is midnight before I go to bed. The hiking day had many surprising turns, and it feels good to lay down to rest. I sink into the night’s embrace, and with my eyes closed I’m open to see that the reality of our shared being doesn’t cease to be when my footprints are washed away. Just before falling asleep an astonishing question appears in my mind: will my desire to hide and protect myself disappear, when my body gets realigned with the non-dual understanding? What would happen if I were brave enough to accept everything the way it is?

This is the text to the video: https://youtu.be/cUKa7BbL5-k

​I rest in the silence of an early summer night. The only sounds I hear are the gentle lapping of the waves and the call of the cuckoo. I am alone in the middle of nowhere, but am I lonely? Silence is also equated with soundlessness, but silence can be found regardless of circumstances, even in the middle of a noisy city.
 
Sitting up and Taking Notice
Modern life is marked by hurry and goals, and standing still is considered to be stagnation. A hectic rhythm creates an impression of a personal center, something that has led us around by the nose all our life. We don’t want to slacken our efforts, because there is so much to be done and so many goals to be achieved. The ongoing online game gives an impression of worthiness and of being connected. A lapse in connection creates anxiety. Fear of loneliness, redundancy, worthlessness, anxiety about not belonging or getting along.
 
However, these unpleasant feelings carry a gift. By opening the mental lockers we are able to taste the reality of our Being. The reality of Being is unknowable and unreachable for the mind. Words can be used to point to reality but it cannot be understood by them. Reality is  dimensionless and timeless, and yet, always present. In the world it seems that verbalization reigns and binds us together, whereas the nature of reality is non-verbal and there is  nothing to be connected. Willingness and openness are keywords to this recovery. The willingness to accept and also face the unpleasant feelings as they are. By then, we suddenly notice that the only way to get on is to stop! To wind up and welcome everything without any attempt to change or manipulate something.
As we softly and tenderly knock on the door between the visible and invisible, we begin to sense the silence between thoughts. Stopping does not mean a complete lack of doing. Instead it means that we begin to become explorers, who disregard learned beliefs and concepts and who are eager to explore the fundamental qualities of reality. There is only one single reality, but it can be approached in various ways. Every path is a unique one and each one of them can be verbalised in a different way. With the apparent veiling of our true nature, the seeker is invited  to wonder about the invisible reality of experience. Along the way old beliefs and patterns fall away and finally, the seeker faces unavoidable questions about the nature of reality.
 
Who am I?  Who is asking, when I ask? Who sees and hears when I see and hear? Who is the real dreamer and the experiencer of every experience? An intuitive, and seemingly self-evident answer is, that it is I. But who or what is I? If I’m not the same as my experiences, thoughts, emotions and perceptions, what remains when they are taken away? When my body eventually vanishes, where or what am I then – or do I exist at all? Is it possible that there is a self that is free from attributes? A self whose existence is independent from whatever does take place or doesn’t? 
 
Distortion
Asking these questions make me realise that I have identified the body-mind to be the seer, hearer and doer. I have an impression of having a constantly talking ”I” living inside my body. It is never completely satisfied, but has continuous problems. It is concerned with what should be done or changed in the world in order for it to be liberated from its problems and to find peace. But instead of solving problems, I can withdraw my self from them, as if sitting in the cinema and observing the film of my life appearing on the screen. In the freedom of Non-Attachment I’m able to recognise how identified I am with a doer, who cannot stand slowness and not doing. By pushing things forward I have defended and kept alive my images of reality. The fighter in me has been strong and unyielding, like it has been seeking justice for its own existence. This persistence is related to an inner sense of threat of being harmed or controlled by someone else. These behaviour patterns are like discords which prevent fainter sounds of our Being to be heard – it hides my own melody!
 
A – U - M
It is in the silence of nature where the stream of thoughts slows down. Out of the blue, an invitation to sing arises.  I gently repeat the ancient sound ”A-U-M” and explore the resonance of the three elements in my body. Singing and repeating the mantra feels like settling down and forgetting the world. In the presence of hearing and listening I suddenly sense a fourth sound. Unheard is the silence which begins and ends the audible sound and surrounds it. When the unheard is revealed, we begin to hear the delicate chant of our own Being.
 
Home of Sound: Silence
The unheard sound represents the realm of deep, dreamless sleep. There is neither an observing subject nor an observed object. Only pure consciousness exists, unseen, pristine, hidden. Silence is like the womb of the divine mother – the source of creation. All sounds are born in silence, and the vibration of sounds gives birth to everything. Sound both creates forms and leads beyond them, to the unbroken silence beyond words and experience. Without the silence in the background there wouldn’t be any sound to be experienced. All manifestations need a base in which to manifest. Words are drawn on paper, a film is played on a screen. In fact, even silence needs an invisible base against which it can be recognized.
 
I come back to the subtle sound of A-U-M. It feels like bathing in a healing flow of cosmic sounds. When the sounds fall silent and nothing seems to remain, I’m surprised to find that I don’t feel lonely or non-existent. Silence is everywhere. I don’t experience silence as a lack of sound or a sense of darkness. Instead there is a sense of timelessness and happiness and peace arising out of our own being.  It´s like an empty page on which and from which everything manifests. Thus I don’t need any objects –  thoughts, feelings or perceptions, to be present and conscious.
 
I Am = I’m present
For the mind silence is about achieving mental calmness and relaxation. However, silence isn’t any object to be gained. Silence speaks of Gods unfailing love – of its timeless Being without words.
When sounds fade silence always speaks.  I let my attention untangle from thoughts, feelings and perceptions. What remains is an unattachment.
I continue going backwards until I plunge into their source, the ocean of silence. It feels like falling asleep and being blessed by silence, a timeless moment where the experience of the waking state literally disappears.
However, with the disappearance of  objects something very essential remains: I. I know that I am. I know that I am conscious, and I do not have to change anything or to become something in order to be conscious. Yet I am!  Being and consciousness are not separate. They are coupled together and an indelible One. The river of consciousness emerging from itself and as itself.
In the silence I rest in Myself.  I realise that resting in Myself is presence  without the entanglement with objects. Thus, it is Myself recognizing Myself! Suddenly the truth about our Self is so clear, that I wonder how I’ve been able to ignore it. The true I, our Self, is not an object, so it doesn’t have any objective qualities. That’s why it can never be found or realised, but instead the Self recognises and knows itself.
 
To know myself
In order to know myself, I have to disentangle myself from illusions and beliefs superimposed upon my own Being. Even though my head is mixed up, I’m mesmerized by this mind-blowing insight. After so many years of longing, my attempts to solve the mystery have finally paid off!  I understand that I can’t find the Self or reach it, because I am what I am looking for. Only from the point of a separate self there is an entity, who is looking for itself.
 
I
In everyday language I constantly refer to the I without being aware of who or what the real I is. On my birthday or while meeting old friends I may wonder, why my experience of myself remains the same despite age, my current role or life events. Now I know. The real ”I” or ”the Self” is so close and intimate to me, that I have ignored my knowledge of it and fallen asleep and become oblivious to it. Indeed, I cannot reach the Self by climbing a ladder to the heavens. The Self is not a theoretic, philosophical, meditative or enlightened state or dimension available through spiritual practice or hard work. The Self is what I am, it is our shared Being.
 
A borderless bridge
I feel embraced by the Northern summer night. A subtle mist seems to veil everything, but on the sly, an image of a borderless bridge rises up. Withour the past and the future there is no starting point or destination. There is only Being.  I AM. As time and boundaries disappear, we become a single nation without a homeland.
The lack of sound will linger for a moment before the birds begin their early morning song. Right at that moment a nocturnal bird appears. It sits on a nearby branch, chirping our shared melody: “I am a whisper in your ear. I am the way.”
 

​It’s a beautiful day in early summer. The light of these Northern latitudes enchants me more and more each year. How beautiful are the silhouettes reflected on calm waters! I am spellbound observing this play of light, and in some mysterious way I experience being not only an observer but  an essential part of what is appearing. Looking at the reflections feels like I’m following the dance of the universe – a play between light and shadow. It fills me with a deep sense of belonging and I wonder if I’m watching a microcosm of life where all manifestations eventually vanish back to the ocean of life?  And what is the reality of the reflections, to whom do they belong?  Do I only see dreams lingering in awareness for a little while?
 
Reflections – in Search of Happiness
Reflections remind me of searching for happiness. But focusing on the objects of mind, I move away from the here and now.  At times I feel a burning desire  to find something better, bigger or more important. Something to make me happy. I follow life’s many paths until I finally get frustrated and stop searching. And precisely in the moment of giving up the searching comes to an end. And then, out of nowhere, there is happiness residing beyond experiences, in the “nothingness”. I’m a little bit ashamed to see, that I have been so deeply enchanted by the reflections on water, that I have become a prisoner of my own mind  –  unable to see what it mimics! What if the mirror does not reflect an action of time but something that lies behind the personality and cannot be reached by naming, thinking, exploring or searching?
 
The driving force: a sense of lack
Surrounded by nature I become calm, and the urge to search fades into the peace of timeless existence. I stop and close my eyes. I take a deep breath and feel the air flowing in through the soles of my feet and up towards the top of my head and back, like it’s connecting heaven and earth. I keep doing this until I feel like my body isn’t separate from the surroundings and the only thing left is a sense of vibration. I open my eyes and am surprised - the boundaries between different forms have faded. As my vision becomes blurred, the view changes into something dreamlike, an abstraction with no focal point. I feel like I’m moving on a groundless ground, where thought and perception are covered in a mist. A light begins to twinkle through the mist, and as the landscape becomes brighter, so does my mind. Out of the blue intense feelings come up. The one thought that sums them up is a sense of lack.  I recognise it. It seems that the sense of lack plays a significant role in my life, secretly feeding both body and the mind.
 
Longing
Almost without realising, I have been drawn to activities and topics to fill the sense of emptiness and insignificance that accompany the sense of lack. I haven’t been able to recognize the connection between the activities and the sense of lack. I have spent years looking for excitement provided by different activities only to realize that searching never ends.  Being on a journey feeds my fantasy of future fulfilment. The wait and the longing that the poet Edith Södergran describes with such accuracy as ”a land that doesn’t exist”. Can it be that I pursue a goal even though a part of me doesn’t want to reach it, because then I would have to face what I’m running away from: a sense of emptiness that follows the end of the search.
 
So I find myself on a journey again, sailing towards new adventures and new destinations. Until I finally understand that it is not the true Self but the concept of a separate self that both seeks happiness and is prevented from finding it! I also realize that objects and activities are merely reflections of their spiritual essence. That’s why they can never offer lasting happiness and peace. Slowly, I begin to realize that I’m seeking happiness in all the wrong places.
 
Lost
I pause to explore the feeling of emptiness and I realise that it speaks of longing. It’s like I’ve lost touch with something essential, as if God made a fundamental mistake in creation. I’m at a loss, because I do not seem to have any tools to find my way back to the Garden of Eden. But suddenly an answer appears from a place of not knowing: when I lose myself in thoughts, feelings and experiences, I get lost and I forget who I am, who or what is the real experiencer. I am like a professionally trained actor embodying a character so fully that my sense of Self is profoundly changed by the character.
 
It takes courage to look behind the veil and to leap into the unknown – to be curious and honest despite the fear and to see what’s beneath the personality and the self-image.
A few moments of not doing and being present are enough to reveal the conditioning of thinking and perceiving. Being a prisoner in my own mind, I haven’t even questioned the reality of personhood and a dualistic world. However, looking at the reflected silhouettes I recognise the temporary nature of all experiences and observations. I intuitively know that behind all manifestations there is something which is always present, and available in all experiences.
 
Questioning
The sun has barely set when I see the moon climbing into the sky. Looking at it, a thought appears in my mind – the moon has no light of its own! Both the moon and its reflections need sunlight to be visible. I wonder if the same applies to me? What is the reality of the seer and the seen? Does a separate seer exist or is it also seen, like everything else? Suddenly, these questions seem so essential that I feel like I am confused by them. I wonder how I’ve been able to ignore something that is so fundamental and essential.  If consciousness isn’t located in my body, where on earth can it be found? I have been convinced that my brain produces thoughts, but suddenly I’m not so certain anymore. And does a conscious mind exist in the first place? Body, sensations, thoughts, sensory perceptions and emotions are not aware of themselves, not even of their absence. So there must be something else or someone else who knows and is aware of them. Who is here. Is there anyone here? Who am I?
 
Here and now
My head starts to ache and I begin to feel nauseous. It feels like my idea of the world is falling apart and that I am facing something that I’ve been looking for, and bizarrely, also escaped from without knowing it. I would like to suprress these unpleasant feelings that are bringing me close to panic. I am greatly tempted to fall for the substitutes provided by conceptions, mental and physical activities, and social media, let alone the contents of my refridgerator. Instead, I let all emotions, sensations and thoughts appear just as they are. Bringing my attention to my breath makes me feel focused but relaxed. And suddenly, I realise that what I’m looking for isn’t around the corner or somewhere in the future.
It is here and now. The potential for happiness is always present, even though it seems to be veiled by the reflections of the mind! The world based on the sense of lack turns out to resemble a mirage in the desert – as if I had been searching for water, not realising that I have always been right next to it. I understand that happiness isn’t an emotion or a state of mind to be discovered, it is the essence of our own being. Being in itself is not goal-oriented and it doesn’t have an age, but nevertheless the timelessness seems to give purpose to the temporal me. However, I don’t experience timelessness as an otherworldly abstraction, but as something that is closer than close to me, here and now.
 
Embodiment of truth
Time seems to disappear and I still find myself sitting on the cliffs. I have been afraid of the invisible, because the mind is not able to grasp anything that doesn’t have objective qualities.  The mind loves knowledge, because by attaching to it or other objects it remains in control. I have also been leaning on the teachings of spiritual masters and mystics, but now it is time to let go of my supports and explore my own experiences. Life is my true guru. The wisdom of life is always well timed – mistakes do not exist!
 
Held in the cradle of silence I realize that it is the light of our own being which illuminates all observations, emotions, sensations and thoughts and makes itself known through them. As the day draws to a close a soft breeze blows from the East and whispers in the words of Jesus: ”I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” For a while, I feel overwhelmed by these words as if plunged in the shadow of Eden’s Garden. However, in the power of light the fear fades away and I understand that there is no need to avoid the shadow or to fight against it. By following the call of light, I learn to discern the untruths from the truth. And finally only brightness remains: the light of our Being.

My journey leads me to the middle of nowhere, Lake Saimaa. Its rocky islands and pine trees are calling me to spend time in nature, away from the hustle and bustle of the city. As night falls I head towards the sauna by the lake. Before I wrap myself in the warmth of the sauna, I pause to listen to the silence, and admire the starry sky.  Suddenly I’m filled with a wistful feeling, as though I have been abandoned, left to my fate. It would be easy to ignore this feeling, but instead I give it my full attention. I breathe it in and let the sensation expands until it fills me completely. Suddenly it feels very familiar! It is exactly the same feeling I had when I was about to give birth to our first born, equipped with only the slightest hint of what giving birth was, as I headed into uncharted territory. I left as an individual and came back home with a new life, a life over which I knew I would have no control.
 
Illusion of control
As an academic I had read and prepared myself thoroughly for what was to come. I had learned that rhythm was important. So, I had planned a precise schedule for this new life, a schedule that included eating, sleeping, and “socializing”. When we arrived home, the frost outside was breaking all records. I had asked for extra heaters for our home – after all, our little one had to stay warm! Our attempt to regulate the heating resulted in fuses burning out and a power cut in the entire building. But the baby wasn’t bothered, she just tended to her own rhythm and seemed to enjoy life. At night she was eager to stay awake and during the day she relished her sleep. It seemed like the little bundle, with willful persistence, already wanted to show her academic mother that feeling in charge of one’s life was an illusion!
There is in every child at every stage a new miracle. The first smile, the first rollover, the first words, the first steps. The spirit, the life-force, brings new things that have not been experienced before, on its own, no textbooks needed!
All three of my children are now out in the world, I have let them go – or have I?   I have relinquished my need to control their lives, or at least tried to do so. Do I now have the courage to let go and take a leap into the unknown? Is it me who is writing, or is life writing in me, through me? Am I alone or in oneness with all?
 
Labelling
A pause, resulting in an insight – a timeless moment of understanding. Have I ever come across anything except what my thinking mind creates? In labelling  something, the presence seems to disappear and I fall into the world of duality – a world of “me and others”.  Body and mind feel real in their own right, and everything else seems to be something other than myself. No surprise that from time to time I feel like an outsider, and I have a desire to withdraw into the sanctuary of my mind. However, by pulling back, I am creating separation and loneliness - a paradox, since that is precisely what I’m trying to avoid!  When I don’t give my mind the power to identify things I feel like falling into a void that refuses to be explored or discovered. But my impatient mind is eager to label the abstraction, because giving it a name helps it feel more familiar and identifiable at a conscious level.
Even when I name love I turn it into an object. There is someone who loves something or someone.  However, my heart tells me, that love is not something that is separate from myself. On the contrary, it seems like I am in fact deeply connected to love.
 
Breath: a pathway to presence
I take a moment to consciously breathe, as I listen to my breath. Suddenly, my husband appears next to me. I am so immersed in thoughts that I had almost forgotten about him, that he had been so kind as to accompany me to my writing retreat. He breathes, I breathe. We breathe together. We are one breath that seems to be currently manifesting in two bodies. Breath is constantly bringing in something new and removing something old. In the gap between the in-breath and the outbreath I sense a timeless presence that seems to enliven my body in time, as if it were carried towards the future.  I rest in the timeless energy of universal breath, free from past experience and any expectations for the future. In the here and now, there is total freedom to stand back and to be simultaneously fully engaged with life. Every moment of this union is a surprise and I have no knowledge of what will bring tomorrow.
 
Giving up achievement
In the shelter of the woods time seems to disappear. During the busy years 24 hours per day never seemed to be enough. I felt like I was fighting against time to manage everything I had to accomplish. But now moments seem to follow each other in a continuum, without beginning or end. This makes me wonder about the connection between time and the present moment. Being in a hurry makes me feel like a separate self, who is striving for things to happen. In presence, the sense of separation collapses, and things seem to arise naturally. Forgetting myself opens the doors to miracles.
 
In the heart of existence
It’s time to part, two weeks without my husband. One last embrace and he is already in the car heading to the city. His touch is still lingering, I send a message: “I love you!” I smile. I know very well that by loving him I’m saying that I love myself! How could it be otherwise; in the dance of life, there is no separation, life is married to itself.
Life energy is like an ocean giving birth to its own waves. One wave follows another – and eventually they merge back into the ocean. You too come and go like all life forms always do and always will. But in my heart, I feel like I know that there is something else: The core of my being that never disappears and never leaves me. What I essentially am, is not dependent on the finite mind and its thoughts, images, beliefs and perceptions.
 
Identifying
Being still, I notice how strongly I have identified with different roles: Finnish woman, child, mother, entrepreneur, researcher, writer, adventurer, guide, seeker, wise woman, and helper are all roles that come to mind. Each role seems to be tied to an identification to a body and an individual mind. But who or what does the identifying? Could it be that there is only an image or a thought of an individual entity which gives rise to the identification with body and mind? An image that is based on thoughts, beliefs and feelings. I have been absolutely convinced that I am an individual and an independent doer, thinker, and perceiver, but what if it isn’t true? What if the belief in a separate self itself is the veiling of love and prevents finding the truth of our true nature? 

I am a little ashamed to see how conditioned my mind has been in believing all these ideas about myself. In my egocentric world I haven’t even questioned their reality. But now it’s time to find clarity around what this false identification really is, to stop seeing myself as something that I’m not.  Not operating from my authentic nature is like wearing a pair of sunglasses with tinted lenses, enhancing my perception of who I think I am.

A field without boundaries
Now that I am left alone, I have the opportunity to remove my mask. To be quiet and present, and to eventually put my realizations into written and spoken form! When I pause and disentangle myself from the outside world, I can recognize my true nature as Being.  It feels very real, like something that is unchangeable and always there. It feels like I’m landing on a field with no boundaries that cannot be reached or discovered by the mind.
I am ready to surrender into the not-knowing. I welcome the emptiness I land in when I give up.  And suddenly, I feel like being illuminated by the peculiar and irrational knowledge that what I believe myself to be simply knows nothing at all! The unknown can only be known when the all-knowing mind sinks in the ocean of awareness. Studying and reading are useful tools and concepts, but they cannot help me find what I’m really looking for. But strangely, I feel that there is nevertheless “something” that knows and can be known.
 
There’s a gnawing sensation in my stomach, and for a moment I begin to question my intention. My mind finds all of this extraordinarily confusing, but I’d rather listen to the silence before speaking. And contrary to my habits I won’t even try to silence the unpleasant feelings. Whatever arises may arise. I accept and take it in. The adventure of my life is ready to begin!
 

I want to say a few words about my video book The Borderless Bridge. In short, its message can be summarized into the questions “who or what am I”, “who are you”, “what is our true identity”? When my body ceases to exist, will I disappear? Self-enquiry is the investigation into the nature of our self, a deep dive beneath the surface of personality. Throughout history, spiritual masters have been interested in these questions. However, one does not need to be a spiritual master or a saint to be able to explore and delve into the reality of existence. Nevertheless, we must be humble and willing to question our ideas and beliefs about reality, in particular the deeply engrained belief of being a body. It’s about surrendering and letting go of what we believe to know. Only an open and curious mind has the power to inquire "who am I?" No one else can answer this question for you. You are the answer!
 
It is December as I write this forward. This is the darkest time of the year in the North. However, six months later, the situation is completely different, and we get to enjoy the bright nights of the midsummer. The world I see is a world of multiplicity and diversity, based on contraries. Yet, all opposites have one unified foundation, a reality, which is one. Darkness and light may seem like opposites, but there is also a light that has no opposite, a light that is not of this world, but instead the world is in this light.
 
Jesus saying "I am the light of the world" refers to this light that is within us. We are the light, and another name for it is consciousness. The light of consciousness shines in all experience and on all objects: it is the light of knowing with which we know our experience. However, the light of consciousness itself is not an object that can be reached or understood by the mind. That's why it is also called the invisible reality for which there is no established vocabulary. Nevertheless, the dear child has many names, and other names and concepts referring to the light of consciousness include the Self, true Self, one reality, I Am consciousness, presence, here and now, God, omniscience, oneness, non-dualism, the reality of being, silence, spiritual heart, love. Despite the range of concepts, I have tried to find words and a visual way to describe what is beyond all naming and what we lose by naming it! And yet, it is always present.
 
Who or what am I ?
My video book, The Borderless Bridge, depicts my journey towards non-dualistic understanding and experience. According to the traditional, dualistic perspective, there is a separate individual, an entity that encompasses the body and mind. Within the body, there seems to reside a conscious 'me,' and outside of it is the 'Not-Me,' which is the world and other body-minds. According to this dualistic perspective, experience is divided into the experiencer and the experienced, or the subject and object relationship.
However, on the non-dualistic path, the distinction between the experiencer and the experienced collapses, so that there is only experiencing and the knowing of it. We realize that there is only One, universal consciousness, and that we are this consciousness. One Self, which we commonly refer to as 'I' in everyday language, without truly realizing who or what I actually is! So, instead of over seven billion conscious individuals, there is only One - one consciousness with seven billion faces!
 
What is Self-inquiry ?
What does Self-recognition or Self-realization mean in practice? It is not an activity that is undertaken by the mind. On the contrary, it’s about falling back and sinking of the mind into its source, which is consciousness. I can practice this by directing attention first to what seems to be “out there”, including objects, thoughts, feelings, and sensations, and then back the other way, to what is within, to what is aware of this objective experience.
I can also ask myself, when a thought or perception appears, who or what is aware of it? And when this thought disappears, what is aware of that? The almost obvious answer is that I am aware. This brings us back to the question of who I am. Thoughts, images, as well as the body and its sensations, are all perceived; therefore, they cannot be what I am. What I am cannot be seen, yet I become visible through my manifestations. It is like waves rising in the ocean, frothing for a while, and then merging back into their source.
 
Being aware
In principle, self-realization is simple, as everything is already here and now! Being aware of being aware is not a rational process and may sound like theoretical philosophizing. However, when we delve into the essence of experience, we discover that "being aware" is present in all experience. Yet, conditioned thinking, attachment to our self-image and past experiences, make it complicated. It is difficult to see clearly that the identification with the imaginary separate self is the very dynamism which veils our being as awareness. We hope that by holding tightly onto this imaginary rope, we won't fall into emptiness. We fear that by surrendering, we ourselves will disappear and cease to exist.
 
What happens?
Self-realization can be a sudden, radical realization, like a stormy ocean which has the power to distinguish the false from the true. Self-realization may also be referred to as enlightenment, a sudden event in which the light of consciousness swiftly penetrates the content of the mind, revealing our identity as conscious awareness. Often, as in my case, it is instead a long process where self-realization is not the end goal but rather a starting point, after which the actual work begins!
 
For me, it has been important to face the dynamics that hinder from being the embodiment of truth. It took a long time before I even realized that I was conditioned to reject and exclude experiences which felt overwhelming. I bypassed them and behaved as if they did not concern me at all. It was a mental defense mechanism to escape the current experience. However, the rejected is projected onto other people, and so, we begin to judge, avoid, or downplay them. However, pain and physical ailments are forms through which avoidance coping manifests itself and makes it visible.  Denial and rejection work like a stone wall which isolates us from our own light. In the darkness, we do not see that there is nothing but a projection of our own mind.
 
To face the unfaced
On the path of self-realization all these bodily contractions in which the apparently independent persona has made its home, are gradually released. The light of consciousness is like the sun that makes the dust visible. The dynamics of conditioned patterns is pervaded by the presence of awareness, and as a result, they cease to exist. I learn to welcome all feelings and sensations without attempting to exclude anything.
 
Acceptance means having the courage to face everything exactly as it is. Without trying to change anything or aiming for a specific outcome, I am willing to sit in the fire of even the most unpleasant sensations until they give way. This may take hours, sometimes even several days, but eventually the fire goes out and love, which is hidden in the core of even the most painful sensations, is revealed.
 
Imagine how much lighter becomes the backpack of a seeker who wakes up and knows that love, or in other words, divine consciousness, is the only true power. The feelings that initially felt uncomfortable turn into a sense of inner spaciousness that is deeply peaceful. The power of the ego is imaginary, and when the illusion of a self-sustaining individual is revealed to be non-existent, the ego loses its apparent strength.
 
As the shadows get shorter, the nature of experience changes, and we see that only Love is omnipotent and all-knowing. Love is the holy force that transforms and takes care of everything, as long as I let go of the illusory role of the doer and knower.  When I learn to see myself in everyone, my world changes. For who would want to harm, hurt, judge, or in any way mistreat anyone if they know they are doing it to themselves?
 
Persona: an activity of consciousness
In the video book The Borderless Bridge, I refer to my own process of self-realization: what has been revealed and what it is like to live a life where the shadows of separation grow shorter and shorter. Every awakening, whether big or small, always feels like a blessing, a dive into realm of silence. Many years ago, when I set out on the path of self-inquiry, I thought that the true Self is a subtle, a kind of higher and spiritually more conscious form of my body-mind. The persona does not cease to exist, but its reality is revealed as an activity that either manifests selfless love or ego, the belief in separation. The word persona originates from the Greek language and means a mask through which the voice is heard!
 
Now and years ago…
The content of this video-book is a result and summary of thousands of pages and over ten years of work. For this project, I have learned photography and how to operate a drone to capture footage, edit the recorded material, and to work it out into videos. I have also recorded my writings and combined them with the film footage, resulting in 14 approximately 15-minute-long films, each with its own theme, accompanied by music. The themes form a set that I call The Borderless Bridge, the essence of which is revealed along the way.
 
In preparing the English versions, except for this preface, I have been assisted by Veera Hintsala and Deidra Ahorn, Dee for short. I am grateful for their help, and it has been a great joy and honor to have Dee as the Irish voice for these videos. Thank you, dear Dee! The texts are published as blogs on my website tuulikkiharmia.fi, and the videos can be downloaded on the same site. You can also follow my Facebook page Tuulikki Harmia-Pulkkinen and my Instagram account tuulikkiharmia. I will release videos and texts of this book one by one at approximately monthly intervals and announce new releases on my Facebook and Instagram accounts. I would love to meet you on the journey of self-enquiry!